Is It Normal To Have Fears About An Open-Adoption


First of all, it is normal to have fears about everything when you are going through an adoption. Everything is completely unknown. The entire situation is something you have never experienced before and you probably don't know a lot about. Open-adoption comes with the same amount of emotional carry-on's that any other type of adoption would. Let's just say, there are pros and cons in each situation. Some birth mothers may not have the same perspective, but I can tell you from my personal experience that open-adoption agreements were very scary. Here's why.


4 Normal Fears To Have About Open-Adoption


  1. What I Want Is Not Really What I Want - During the adoption, I didn't know what I wanted. I only knew what felt right. What I wanted and what I felt was the right choice were two different things - and the first one wasn't an option...it was a want. So "wanting" an open-adoption was like choosing one of two doors that I didn't necessarily want to go through. But, it felt better than the alternative.

  2. What If The Adoptive Family Doesn't Follow Through With Our Agreement? - I was terrified that the adoptive family would not honor our agreement. The agreement encompassed all of my trust and I knew that any break in that agreement would destroy my trust and cause heartbreak. Fearing heartbreak is completely normal and healthy. But allowing fear to lock you into a legally binding contract (like a closed adoption) is not what you want to do. Have faith.

  3. What If I Change My Mind About How Open I Want To Be? - I thought about this so often during my pregnancy and throughout the adoption process. I really didn't know how involved I wanted to be after the adoption because I didn't know how I was going to feel or how I would be impacted by pictures, letters, or speaking to the Adoptive family. It was hard because I just did not know how I was going to react. I wanted to protect myself emotionally, but I wanted to make myself available to them. I was terrified of making the wrong decision. I made sure that I voiced that to my adoption specialist at Premier Adoption who made that clear to the Adoptive Family. I also voiced this clearly to the Adoptive family myself. It is important to keep the line of communication open, especially when you feel afraid.

  4. What If The Adoptive Family Expects More From Me Than I Can Give? - Another huge struggle for me. Honestly, at the time, I did not know how financially stable I would be in the future and what my life would look like. I didn't know if I would be able to take trips to visit or how emotionally available I would be. I had a very large number of emotionally difficult events happening at once during the adoption - it was a roller coaster and I did not want the family to view me as unstable or incompetent and I did NOT want to disappoint them. That was a big fear of mine - that I would not be able to follow through with our agreement. If that is the case for you, remember that life is life. Some things are beyond your control and others are not. Grab your life by both hands and make it into the life you want.

I don't know everything in the world about adoption but I do know that birth mothers are the most strong, courageous women I have ever met and have the ability to persevere like no other. It is 100% normal to feel afraid during any type of adoption situation - the future is unknown for everyone involved. But birth mothers have an amazing ability to overcome fear, and they do that with the same love that chose adoption for them - that incredible unconditional love for their child. We just have to allow that love for ourselves.


If you are considering adoption and want to learn more about open-adoption plans or anything else regarding adoptions in Nevada, contact Premier Adoption Agency today. The kind and compassionate specialists at Premier will help you discover what you want and if adoption is the right path for you.


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