7 Things Birthmothers Can Include In An Open Adoption Plan
If you are considering adoption and you’re like me, you might find yourself drifting off into thought, considering what the adoption relationship might look like in the future.
When I contacted Premier Adoption, I really didn’t know a thing about adoptions and the entire process. I was clueless. I was scared. I was so worried that asking questions meant that I would be pressured into placing my baby. I really didn’t want to put myself in that situation, but I wanted to make an educated choice.
When I started talking to Premier, I learned about open adoptions. The open adoption relationship is 100% different than the traditional adoptions I’d always heard about. It seemed so barbaric for someone to take my baby from me and provide me with zero information about where she was going and who would be raising her. An open adoption plan takes away that portion of the challenges that birthmothers experience.
Here are a few things I learned that I could place in my adoption plan and find a family that had the same desires in an open adoption relationship.
I could actually have visits – Whether they came to me or I went to them, I had no clue that I would find a family that would allow me to see and hug my son. I did have these visits and it was so amazing to see him smile and laugh.
Facetime/Skype is totally an option – If the adoptive family lives further away (my A-family lives many states away), the reality that is video chat can make its way into your life, if it hasn’t already. I don’t get to hold him and hug him – but I still have the option of seeing his little smile and hearing his laugh.
My family can be involved – I was not the only person who was affected emotionally by the adoption. My son has an aunt who loves him too and she was welcomed by the A-family as much as I was.
The bio dad is not off-limits – I don’t have this experience personally and I know that most birthmothers do not have the father actively involved in the adoption plan. But some biological fathers do participate in the adoption plan and choosing the A-family.
Siblings can be involved too – My son’s adoptive family always asks about my older kids. They want to know what their personalities are like, they want pictures, they love hearing about them, and I LOVE that they want to make sure my son knows about his biological siblings. My kids have even participated in facetime visits.
Monthly updates – I believe that a common open adoption plan would include yearly updates and photos. I requested monthly updates because I knew that the first year was going to be difficult. I didn’t want to feel forgotten and I explained this to the A-family beforehand. I let them know that monthly updates would really help me feel connected and heal better. And it did.
Texts – Texts are amazing. The first few months after the adoption, I would have moments that I was just sad, and I missed my little guy so much. My A-family made it clear that I could text them anytime I was sad, and they’d send me a picture of what the baby was doing at that exact moment. I would cry tears of happiness and sadness and I would relax. It was beyond comforting to have that element of connection.
Open adoptions can be challenging and amazing. I always made it clear to my A-family that I did not want to overstep boundaries, but I also did not want to feel like I was walking on eggshells. They were very open about what they wanted and how they envisioned the relationship, and it was a great match.
I am so grateful that I found a place like Premier Adoption Agency. They are a local company, and they know the laws of Nevada, so I never had to worry about the legalities of the situation. Everything was laid out for me in black and white. I was educated in open-adoption relationships, what was acceptable and what was not, and I was always treated with respect and support when I explained what I was looking for in an A-family. And they found the perfect match for me!