Bonding With Birthmothers - 5 No-Pressure Methods
Open adoptions can be a little tricky for some people. Open adoptions are a relatively newer concept and there isn't a lot of information that adoptive families or birthmothers can use to help strengthen the relationship and bond. For adoptive parents, the relationship may feel fragile - but you can successfully bond with your birthmother without feeling like you are stepping on toes or crossing unknown boundaries.
5 No-Pressure Bonding Methods You Can Try To Strengthen The Adoption Triage Relationship
Ask for a scrapbook or photo album of her life - Your birthmother probably wants you and the baby she is placing with you to know about her. The parents who adopted my baby asked me for photos of me, the biological father, and my biological siblings. They asked for the personality characteristics of all of us, our likes, our hobbies, and our goals. I was elated when they asked for this information. During the adoption process, I had the opportunity to review books of potential adoptive families and learn about their extended families, pets, homes, careers, religions, and hobbies - but they did not get to know me this way. I LOVED that I got to share my life with them.
Send a few extra letters or photos each year - While you are at it, ask her how she is doing. Ask for updates on events in her life. If you know she is in college, ask how classes are going and what her favorite subjects are. If she is parenting other children ask about them. Your interest in her lets her know that you think of her and that you want a relationship. Be sincere and you can't go wrong. Three years into it, I still get monthly updates on new things the baby is doing or has learned how to do, his likes and dislikes, some of his silly antics, and new adventures they are embarking upon. I feel such a closeness to this family and it has made the transition after adoption so much easier for me.
Invite her to Skype or Facetime with you and the baby - Let her know that the baby is growing and you want her to see the baby's smile. Make sure the conversation is not just one-sided. YES! She absolutely wants to know everything about the baby but to build the relationship and bond with a birthmother, help her feel your desire to connect by showing interest in her and her well-being.
Don't underestimate the value of texting - In the first couple of months, my baby's adoptive parents were so awesome at sending me photos through text messages and little messages like "look what we learned how to do today." I felt so involved and I was over the moon every time they wanted to include me in a moment or experience. It's amazing how such a small, simple text can change a person's world - for me, those texts were the most precious, meaningful gift in my life.
Share your life too - Again, bonding isn't just one-sided. Your contribution to building the relationship is of great value. You don't have to limit your conversation or check-ins to just the baby. I love when my adoptive family tells me how they are adapting their careers to meet the needs of their growing family - or that they are GROWING THEIR FAMILY! I was recently told that they are starting the adoption process again to bring another little one into the family. I was so excited that they wanted to share this information with me. It wasn't expected and they didn't have to tell me, but they wanted to - and it was so natural!
I think the natural way the conversation flows now between us is because we have always communicated this way. The openness they have had with me and the way that they have expressed interest in me and my life really helped me feel like we have a friendship and a bond that I couldn't have with anyone else. It's special and unique and I'm so, so grateful for it.
Talking to the adoption agency that you choose is essential in matching families with birth moms who want the same experience. That doesn't mean that every experience works out that way - but the first step is clear communication so that everyone is on the same page. In Nevada, Premier Adoption really knows how valuable the matching process is between families and birthmothers. If you have questions or want help with an adoption plan - contact Premier Adoption today.