Voice for Adoption (VFA) selected Congressman Geoff Davis as a recipient of the 2011 Legislator of the Year Award in recognition of his efforts to make foster care and adoption policy a priority.  Voice for Adoption is a national non-profit organization that advocates for improved adoption policies.

Voices for Adoption commended Congressman Davis for his legislative efforts to help eliminate the barriers to permanency that children and families regularly encounter during the adoption process.  Congressman Davis introduced the bipartisan Child and Family Services Improvement and Innovation Act (H.R. 2883) which was signed by President Obama on September 30, 2011.  The law improves and extends child welfare programs that were set to expire on September 30, 2011, and renews the authority of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services to grant approval for child welfare demonstration projects.

Congressman Davis received the award in Washington, D.C. at a reception to kick off VFA’s annual “Adoptive Family Portrait Project.”  The Portrait Project takes place every November (National Adoption Month)

Congressman Davis serves as the Chairman of the House Ways and Means Subcommittee on Human Resources, which has jurisdiction over the public assistance provisions of the Social Security Act, including temporary assistance for needy families, child care, child and family services, child support, foster care, adoption, supplemental security income, and social services, among other forms of assistance.

adoption community to take part in the first

grassroots Adoption Tax Credit awareness day, today,

Monday, Feb. 13th, 2012.

 Many adoptive families are not aware that

this tax credit exists. It is our goal to help ensure that adoptive

families who are eligible to receive this benefit are

 informed about how to claim the credit. We are asking everyone,

including professionals, advocates, state agencies,

families, and others to help spread the word on one given day (TODAY)

in hopes to broadcast the existence of the

adoption tax credit. Please help distribute an informational flier that

 includes relevant links for families to learn

more. Please consider mailing this information out to adoptive families,

as some do not have access to the internet.

http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-dft/i8839--dft.pdf

http://www.irs.gov/instructions/i8839/ch02.html

http://policyperformanceconsultants.wordpress.com/2012/02/06/adoption-credit-awareness-day-feb-13th/

We were felling emotion like never before,! We were all experiencing this. We too were wondering if our birth mom will change her mind? This is when our  hope, trust and faith had to take over for us. Knowing we are not in control of anything at this very special time, the birth of this new life. One thing we did do was to take the time to surrender all the fear and step into enjoying every moment with this sweet new life. This was a battle let me tell you. When you are not in controll of someone else, and the choices they will make, and knowing  that choice will change everyone around them including themselves. Please when you are taking this journey let go… no matter how hard… let go…try your very best together to surrender the outcome. Stop playing all different situations in your mind. That for me personally was a battle. We have been through several losses I thought I could not even think of going through another loss such as this. Once again let it all go..

Our birth mom had a siscarine. When she was out of recover, the baby went to be with her mom.  You see she {our birth mom} is not called or referred to as a birth mom, until she surrenders her rights, this I have learned through the years. With respect to our birth mom, and yours this is important to call her always by her name.

So there we were in another state, in a motel, not knowing anyone! Our daughter{we prayed} just born and in the room with her mom.  Our words can not even describe what we were all feeling. There is no other journey that even comes close to the emotion’s of an adoption.

When you go through the journey of adoption you will see. Your own situation your own story of your daughter or son.

Then she whisked us to the nursery and said she just got here! “Come lets go meet her…she is just beautiful!” she said. When we got our first glimpse of her, we again lost our breath. Just amazing….She was only a few minutes new. I was shaking..The nurse was just starting to get all the important thing down, weight head size, and clean her off. “She is one of the healthiest baby’s we’ve seen.”

When we looked at her we just teared up.. The nurse said ok now get in here and help me. So my husband did, he jumped right in there and was a natural at the diaper.. Then the nurse handed her to my husband, and he was the first one to hold her, give her her first bottle and rock her…….

I remember as though it was last week the process of our adoption. One of the things I remember most is the “I or we are NOT in control” of this adoption! This statement still finds those emotions stirring up inside of me some 16 years later. We as a couple had to trust and have faith that this was the perfect baby for us. If something were to change, it was not in our control and it would be what was to happen in the life of this child. {I will touch on this subject later}

We came into town from another state and we had several days to be by ourselves and wait, and wait. You see our birth mom was going to have the baby earlier than planned due to a health concern. So we rushed out of our town.

I remember waiting at the hotel room for any news on the baby, then the phone rang…. we looked at each other with tears in our eyes…my husband took the call; all I heard is ok, that’s fine, and see you soon, we are on our way.  As he hung up the phone, I was so full emotion and  the sense of unsurity. He said with tears falling down his face “lets go to the hospital, they are wanting us to be there when the baby is born..” OOHHH my that was not part of the plan, we were to go later on to the hospital after the baby was born…not now, all of the family will be there,  what do we say, how do we react when faced with a family members questions, will we be ok,  what will we be doing there?? I had so many questions that needed attention.. My husband grabbed my hand the cameras and we rushed off…

We pulled up to the hospital, parked and headed to the delivery area holding on so tightly to each others hands I thought my hand would never regain the blood flow. In the waiting area we meet up with our birth moms family, they were all so welcoming to us, her mom greeted us by hugging us and saying this; “your baby is being born”…ooohhhh my our baby, is this really happening….

{This photo is not our birth mom}

Voice for Adoption (VFA) develops and advocates for improved adoption 

policies VFA works closely with federal and state legislators, 

as well as other child welfare organizations.

Federal Adoption Tax Credit, Quick Overview of Recent Changes—The federal Adoption tax credit keeps changing and adoptive families and some professionals advising families of the credit are confused; many individuals are having difficulty keeping up with the many changes. Please note the following: The Affordable Care Act (P.L. 111-148) increased the credit’s value from $10,000 to $13,170 and made the credit refundable for 2010 and 2011. The Tax Relief, Unemployment Insurance Re-authorization, and Job Creation Act of 2010 (P.L. 111-312) made changes to the law by extending the credit through 2012, but as a non-refundable credit and with a reduced maximum of $12,650. As for now, if there is not any Congressional action taken to advance or extend the credit, in 2013 and in following years, the adoption tax credit will be limited to special needs adoption finalization and will only be available for qualified expenses for up to a $6,000  limit.

click here http://www.gao.gov/Products/GAO-12-98 for more information that can help you. I hope this site can clear up and questions you might be having.

Today, I can feel proud of my decision! I can feel anger at the situation I was in at the time that led me to choose adoption. I can feel disgust in myself for not having my life more in order so that I could parent her. Today, I can feel so grateful for the relationships that I have made with other Birthmom’s, Adoptive parents and adoptees, these that I wouldn’t have had I not chose adoption. Today, I can feel sad, happy, disgusted, calm, peaceful, guilty, ashamed, proud, exhausted, remorseful….it doesn’t matter how I felt PRE-Placement….I feel it all today.

When I was pregnant with RJ, I was planning on parenting until I was about 5 1/2 months pregnant. By that time, my entire life had flipped a complete 180 and it was very clear to me that I really didn’t have much of a choice if I wanted her to be healthy and happy. She and I would have been living in a homeless shelter with no money, car, me without a job, her without a dad…it would have been a sad, sad life. Anyways, I already had created a bit of a bond with her. She had been moving around for awhile and I knew she was a girl. I had her name chosen and had started buying clothes for her,I was mentally prepared for my daughter.

When I realized that the journey that I was embarking was about to become much more difficult and much more complex, I immediately tried to detach from this baby which wasn’t the easiest thing to do, obviously; she was growing inside of me!! Still, I tried! I got rid of everything I had bought for her, I stopped calling her by her name and started calling her “their” baby, I stopped holding my growing belly or paying attention to her movements, I started planning for the things that I would be able to do after she was born and I made myself get excited for the things I would be able to do because I wouldn’t be taking care of an infant.

I did everything I could think to do to become more attached to the idea of a life without her, than of a life with her. I knew I was sad and I knew that I was hurting inside, but I felt unattached, comfortable with the idea and excited for a future. I thought I was going to be great after she was just placed with a family, outside of my body and out of my mind. I thought that once she was gone, I could forget the pain. It started out like that.

RJ was born and I can’t even tell you what time or how much she weighed. I didn’t pay enough attention. I didn’t want to focus on that stuff. I have it written down somewhere, but it’s just not that important to me. The first time I saw her, her beautiful mother was holding her and brought her into my hospital room to see me. I had planned on not seeing her, hearing her, holding her….but, I couldn’t help it. Once she was born I wanted to know her. I held her, I slept with her, I watched her make faces and try to open her eyes…she was pretty amazing!

I did okay for a little while after that and then I just didn’t anymore. I was so mad at myself for not being able to pull it together enough to make a life for her. I felt pathetic and ashamed of myself. What was the point in trying to do anything more? Fill my life with what? Be happy because why? Why do I deserve to be happy? Why do I deserve the best after I couldn’t take care of my own daughter?

It never mattered how I felt before the adoption…I thought I would be fine! I was far from fine! I’m still not fine. I’m okay. I live everyday I work, try to help other birthmom’s, try to support people in their decisions and be a good person, but that doesn’t change the facts about who I am and what I did. In my mind, that wasn’t ok. It is okay that she is happy! It is more than okay that she is happy and healthy and that she is living a great life and I’m happy about that! I’m happy that I was able to give her that! But I’m not happy with myself most of the time. I know many other birthmom’s feel that way.

But, what could we have done, right? We did what we felt was best at the time and for a lot of us, we didn’t feel we even had a second option. Adoption was the only option. So now we must accept this. With little to no help because the only people who understand us are each other. We search for a connection on FB, on Twitter, in support groups, chat rooms, through blogs.  Maybe soon, there will be more help, more of a way to help ourselves.

I know, right now, these things help. God helps me!! My faith that this is the way it is supposed to be helps me, trying to find my lessons and learn from them helps me, knowing that I can be a friend to another birthmom helps me…. But, I’m definitely not okay like I thought I would be before.

This will be a annual event here in our community.

Thank you to all our donors that helped make this very special day possible! National Guard with the Rock Wall, Lins on Sunset with great donuts, Utah Foster Care with yummie hot cocoa, West Sands Adoption with Face painting, Premier Adoption with decorations, Smiths with paper goods, Turnbow Signs and banner, LDS Family support with the Hands poster, St.George Rec.center for the use of the park, balloons from The Flower Market and McDonald’s for allowing our banner to be posted ! Thank you again for supporting “Celebrating Families Through Adoption!!

I stood with life growing inside me. I felt her gain
strength, get playful and find her natural sleep rhythm. I spoke softly to her
as she let life just be. She was not anxious, as I was; she allowed a natural
course of life. I felt her patience and her gentleness. I felt my gift prepare
for a world outside of the protection I wrapped around her.

I thought God meant this gift for me. I did not understand
God’s plan because this gift had spent so much time with me. I could not give
away my treasure. She was a part of me. I quickly became angry that God’s plan
had so little to do with me. My body was used as a temporary haven for a tiny
little miracle to prepare to be a gift, but not a gift for me.

I felt as if God was asking too much from me. How did he
think that I was a strong enough person to complete his delicate plan? I didn’t
understand his plan. I didn’t know who she was a gift for. I only knew that
this gift was a bigger gift than I had ever imagined and she was never meant to
be a treasure for me. So, I began my mission of finding the people that were to
receive this treasure.

I didn’t think anybody could understand this treasure the
way that I did. I had so much time to get to know this gift, this miracle!
Nobody could love her the way that I could. This thought made my mission so
much more difficult. Nobody was right for her. Nobody was able to love this
child of God the way that I could. How could I ever let her go? I could not. I
would have to tell God that I just could not!

Then one day came when I was still vaguely scouting for
people for who this gift belonged to. You see, I must have known, even in my
doubt, that God’s plan would work itself out because I had continued on this
mission. I came across a woman and a man. They were, at the time, just
photographs in a book! But, immediately I knew! They were everything! These
were the people that this treasure belonged to.  They belonged to her, too!

After finding this man and woman, I told God that now I
could handle his plan. I knew that this treasure growing inside me, that was
little pieces of me, was ready to be where God had intended her to be. She
never belonged to me, but she was the biggest gift I had ever received.

This treasure of mine, this precious baby girl, helped me
find Faith. With God’s help, I learned how to let go and to take myself out of
the equation. I was a vessel for a daughter to find her way to her parents. I
will forever be grateful to this little gift from God. She gave me more than I
have found in anything else before!  ~
Maggie Stringham

Here it is, three days from Thanksgiving. This year has been a constant struggle and an eye-opening road of gratitude for me! I have a lot to be thankful for. But three days before Thanksgiving, I’m having a bit of trouble recalling all those things. RJ is healthy & happy. Michigan has called me twice in the past two weeks and that has been great. I have a good relationship with the adoptive family and I am grateful for that. My other three kids are doing great in school and very happy. I haven’t had any arguments with their dad for most of the year and I am EXTREMELY grateful for that.

But, I’m a birthmom! It’s almost like that title is an automatic sentence to recurring spouts of depression…sometimes deeper and darker than other times, but always consistent. I feel happy a lot, but HOLY PROZAC!!! Maybe that would help. I miss my daughter. I miss her little hands and I am just sad that I will NEVER hear her call me MOMMY! I tell myself almost everyday that it’s ok and to get over it, but I’m not sure that it is possible for me to be okay with it EVERY SINGLE DAY!! I’m not sure that this is something a mother is meant to get over!

I have heard other BM’s say that placing a child for adoption is like a death. It was exactly like that for me. She didn’t die. But, I named her and then her name was changed, I held her and then handed her over, I planned a family with her dad and her and then I had to let that idea go. It is like a death. But she is alive and healthy and happy. She is growing, talking, walking, running, smiling! I definitely am very grateful for that!

Don’t get me wrong though, and don’t mistake my moment’s misery for regret because I am NOT regretful. It’s just that today, I would be grateful for sleeping medication that would help me sleep at night and keep my mind from running a million miles away, leaving me defenseless against the evil powers of Insomnia!! I would be grateful for an SSRI that might numb this side of my brain for a minute! I would be grateful for another day with my daughter and I would be the most grateful if her BD got to spend that day with us!

It’s hard to be grateful sometimes….what are you grateful for right now??