|
|
FAQ's
Considering Adoption
We have heard neighbors, and even family members, tell negative stories about adoption. How do we respond to those stories?
People who express a negative viewpoint often have had no personal experience with adoption, or have fallen victim to our medias obsession with bad things happening to good people. Do all you can to become educated and learn real adoption stories. Meet with families who have adopted. Listen to your heart. Then try to share your excitement about your adoption process with family members. Hopefully when they see that you are happy, your excitement will be contagious.
We really want to adopt, but how does anybody afford it?
We understand that adoption is expensive. In selecting the agency right for you this may be at the top of your list of determining factors. May we urge you to ask lots of questions about each agencys cost philosophy. At Premier Adoption we are committed to making adoption a reality for loving families. We take a where theres a will theres a way approach to affording adoption. Our best advice to anyone is to make your decisions based on spiritual, not financial factors. If you feel on a spiritual level that we are the right agency for you, we will do everything in our power to make adoption work for you. Adoption should never be about money. Although we must use money to exist, we do not rely on it. Man shall not live by bread alone (St. Matthew 4:4).
How are we going to afford this? can be one of the most daunting questions that adoptive parents ask. Make note that here are many resources available to you. Check out our website pages on Affording Adoption. You might also be interested in the ideas available at http://affordingadoption.com/. It may seem impossible for your family to afford adoption, but we have families who find that when adoption is right for them, they are able to find the resources they need to make it work.
We have spent so much time waiting and hoping for a pregnancy that didnt happen. How can we make it through the wait required for adoption?
The journey to adoption isnt easy. Many couples have experienced sorrow and frustration before choosing adoption. We encourage you to address the losses you have felt, in order to find some sort of healing as you move forward with the adoption process. This time can be spent becoming educated about adoption and parenting. (See our Adoption Education page.) Believe in yourselves. Join a group of adoptive parents. They understand your frustrations and can become good friends as you share this process together. We will also be here to help you through all stages of your adoption. Most of all, youll want to be sure to spend time making special memories with your spouse, or those people who are important to you. Soon enough you will have your child and begin another journey together.
How can we become more educated and prepared to be adoptive parents?
Check out our Adoption Education page. Talk with families that have adopted. Join a support group of adoptive families. Spend time on the books in the adoption section at your local library.
Choosing an Agency
I don't even know what questions to ask. How do I know if I am choosing the right agency?
Ask lots of questions! Ask for references. Feel free to call and talk with someone here or set up an appointment to visit with us face to face. We are happy to help you know what questions you should ask. Ask how many families your adoption agency works with at a time. We work with no more than 40 families in our domestic program at any given time. Typically our wait time is less than natural pregnancy, but could theoretically extend past our longest waiting family, who waited for 18 months.
How long have you been in business?
We have been serving families and children since 1998. Families often ask this question in order to ascertain viability of an agency. Of course this is a very important question since they are considering placing their hopes and dreams in someones program.
What are the risks in adoption?
This is one of the best questions to ask adoption agencies. Not only will it give you insight as to how well your agency understands adoption in general, it would hopefully provide you with valuable insight as to what they do to address these risks. Remember that the more open ended your questions are, the more authentic the responses will likely be. Be sure to get a feeling as to whether or not you are going with an agency that knows, understands, and successfully addresses all of the risks. Be careful if someone tells you that adoption is easy or doesnt fully and openly disclose the risks to you.
We would hope you hear about risks in adopting from a foreign country, such as safety issues, unknown medical, emotional, and psychological conditions of the child, unstable governmental atmospheres, moratoriums, extortion and exploitation, and what that countrys track record looks like for adopting to Americans. In domestic adoption, we would hope you hear about financial risks, birthmothers changing their minds, financial scams by birthparents, and birthparents ability to contest an adoption. If your conversation does not reveal enough, you may want to inquire into the following questions:
o "At what point are we exposed to risks?"
o "What risks do you as an agency take?"
o "What are the most serious risks in your opinion?"
o "How have you learned from adoption risks?"
o "What is done to manage these risks?"
What is your longest waiting client now and ever?
Please call to find out the current answer to this question.
Is counseling available to adoptive parents?
Yes, Premier Adoption Agency not only keeps some counseling in house but also offers referrals to specialists in a number of fields of therapy, i.e. infertility issues, marital discord, filial therapy, attachment disorder, and others. Feel free to use us as a resource for finding the right therapy to fit your needs.
If we aren't close to your office, how easily can we have contact with you?
You can call us or send email any time you have questions. We have even met with clients when visiting out of our area.
Getting Started With the Process
Will we have contact with our childs birthparents?
If you are adopting internationally, contact with birthparents is very unlikely. If you are pursuing domestic adoption, you may choose the level of openness you feel would be best for you. Most domestic adoptions are semi-open with contact like letters and pictures being sent only through the agency.
What is involved in having a home study? How much does it cost, and how long does it take?
Your home study is an evaluation of home suitability, which is determined by the conducting social worker and home study committee appointed to your case. It is derived from criminal background investigation, social worker visits, and documents that describe you and your family. In these visits with your social worker, you will talk about your history, your family, and your plans for adoption. All supporting documents and requirements are clearly outlined in either electronic format or hard copy. Feel free to call us to discuss getting started right away! Home study costs vary by state. Plan to spend between one and five months depending on the state.
What is a dossier? (International Adoption Only)
Your dossier is a set of documents, which is separate from your home study, and which gives foreign government officials necessary information about you and your family so that they can be sure that you will take care of your adopted child, and so that they will be able to match your family with the best child for you. The dossier is only required if you are adopting internationally.
Now That We Are a Family
How do we encourage adopted children to understand and embrace their past and their heritage?
Most adopted children are curious about their past, and possibly their ethnically diverse heritage. Find times to talk about adoption, and be open with your children. If you have contact with birthparents, your children may have easier access to medical information or family history and traditions. If your children are adopted from another country, learn all you can about that country. Display artifacts from the childs country of origin. Celebrate the holidays that are common to your childs place of birth. And make a life book for your child. Let your children know that their heritage is important to you.
How can we respond to people who stare at us, make insensitive or intrusive comments or ask us personal questions when our child does not look like we do?
Try to take the focus off of the child. Were an adoptive family, is a great response. If you can, turn the focus back to the person asking the questions. For more ideas, take Conspicuous Families, at Adoption Learning Partners.
How do we help our child overcome a sense of loss or frustration that her birthparents couldnt keep her?
Again, be sure that you are open to talking about adoption and your childs feelings. May we suggest taking Finding the Missing Pieces, and Lets Talk Adoption at www.adoptionlearningpartners.org. You may also want to read Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge.
|
|
|
|
